Summer update

Time to get real, get personal, get intimate. My thoughts on writing continually evolve, which makes it hard to write much. My past thoughts on my blog was that my posts would be special, that they would be well done, and they would move from one post to the next intentionally and flow logically one after another. But honestly that’s not how my brain works…at all. Actually my thoughts do not flow in words, sentences, paragraphs, or any semblance of communication. Thus, the difficulty in writing. Shaping, manipulating, translating, and making our thoughts intelligible for everyone else to identify and relate to. But that is the goal in writing: to be understood, to be heard, to relate with others, and to make a difference in the world. For us writers, writing helps us process our own thoughts. I believe those who stick with writing truly begin to understand that it is a gift that we have been blessed with and that it is our duty to utilize this gift to the best of our ability. Otherwise we’re squandering and burying it in the dirt, and that is not something God intends for us.

 

Ok enough with the writing rambling. About my life recently.

 

God has been blessing me so much. I recently, semi-accidently obtained a mentor. I have been thinking about getting one for a long time. But, as often is the case, I did not know how to go about finding one so I just didn’t try. Thank God for being strong where I am weak. I play basketball with my mentor every week with a group of guys. I talked to him and learned that he is in a leadership role at the biggest charismatic church where I go to grad school. I wanted to know more about charismatic Christianity so I asked him if he wanted to meet and talk about it. He was very open and willing to do that. However, it was during the school year, I procrastinated, and basically waited a long time before asking him to actually do that (all the way until the summer). We had a great meeting, he challenged me to study a bible passage and meet him the next week. I did that and we met once more. He asked me, without my prompting if I would like to enter a mentorship/mentoree relationship and I quickly agreed. Turns out he had been looking for an opportunity outside of church to pour into younger men just as I was looking for an opportunity to be mentored.

I also have found a Godly friend and accountability partner. I met him at church, became friends with him, and found that he was also looking for accountability. Our relationship has been very helpful and encouraging. I am sad he is going back to his home college in the fall, but I am confident that our friendship will not end.

I went to the gym the other day (as I am fond of doing) and my friend (whom also plays with the group of guys that my mentor is a part of) showed up. Afterward he invited a group of us guys to go to supper. We got to know one another at supper and he invited us to a men’s group studying the Bible that he had just started. I also quickly agreed to this as I have been looking for a men’s group as well.

At the beginning of the summer I joined a men’s study group at my church (which has been fantastic), but this week is the final week. So joining the men’s group studying the Bible was the perfect timing.

Looking back this summer I can clearly see the fingerprints of God all over my life. Because of his direction and blessing I have been confronting my sins, getting accountability, pressing into the word, growing closer to God, and finding open doors left and right. It’s been truly an amazing thing to experience. I do have some anxiety about wrapping up the summer the way I need to, preparing for the fall. I know that life will get more difficult with classes, deadlines, work, and just the busyness of life. But I also know that I am in a much better place mentally and spiritually than last year when I started grad school. I am a lot more prepared. I know that if I keep being faithful to God, that he will guide me true. Whether I experience worldly success is not important, but that I go along the path that the Lord leads me on. I know the only way I can do that is pursuing God. Finding a great support system with my church, my mentor, accountability partner, men’s group, etc. have all been essential in keeping my heart in the right place and staying disciplined in my walk with God.

I abhor personal, intimate, overly-detailed writing about myself, that I don’t believe is relevant to the big picture or other people’s lives, but I’m trying to conquer these feelings. My writing is first for God. So I’m giving him praise for what he has done for me. Second, my writing is for myself. To practice the gifts, he’s given me and organize my brain (relatively enough). And third, for you, to keep whoever is interested, informed in my life. And hopefully it helps you in your own life in some way.

I feel like I always say this in my writings, but I sincerely hope to write more often. I will try to vary my posts up (don’t worry my brain naturally loves variation) from personal updates, to creative things, to theological/philosophical posts, to current events/culture/worldview posts, and who know’s what else? So if you don’t like one, then maybe you will like another. Enough with the perfectionism holding me back from writing. Enough with my fears holding me back. Enough with writing just for other’s sake and not my own (or God’s). God bless. Have a good night.

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2/7 Musings

Last few days – getting in and out of a rut

Today was a weird day. Friday my Dad and I stayed up till 2 AM because we watched the movie the Revenant until 1:15. This caused us to sleep in late Saturday. I didn’t end up taking my Adderall until 2PM yesterday. I suspect that is the reason for why I couldn’t sleep until 5AM. This caused me to oversleep and miss church. Then I was very sluggish all day and didn’t get much homework done. I’ve been a little sad after my Dad left because it reminded me of the community I had back home that I do not have here in Waco. Because I didn’t get homework done early I did not go to any Superbowl parties so that I could stay home and do homework. But because I was sad and still feeling sluggish I procrastinated and didn’t get much homework done.

Basically the point of all this is 1. Its important to do the right things to live a productive and full life. One mistake can compound into another 2. I need to focus and get myself out of the rut instead of dig deeper which I have a tendency to do. I think one of the main reasons I do this is because it is easy to get caught up in the moment, or stuck in a mind frame when you are ADHD. And it is easier for everyone to do what is easy, what is shallow, what is negative, then the opposite. So basically I have to work extra hard to be present and intentional in life. That is something I’ve been learning (essential to survival) in grad school being on my own.

Now to get out of this rut I need to do some productive things. The first is writing this post. The second will be looking at my planner and writing down tomorrow’s schedule. Those two things will help me to de-stress my mind so I do not overthink and dwell in the negative. This will prepare me to be able to sleep and handle tomorrow well so that I can make up for my lack of production this weekend. Anyways enough on that.

writing plans:

I’m going to be doing a lot of writing in the future. 1. I have two research papers in school. The first one is my independent on 1984 by George Orwell and its use in America today. My second one is going to have something to do with Christians in China during the 20th Century and how they lived out their faith under Communism. 2. I’m going to continue writing these daily posts that no one reads or cares about. Its good for me. It helps me process my thoughts, encourages me to live well, and helps me plan for the future. 3. I think I’m going to examine my writing once a week and write more reader friendly post on one specific topic. Hopefully other people will read those. I have many ideas already stored.

I guess that’s enough writing for tonight. See you guys tomorrow!

 

 

2/6 Musings

I said I wouldn’t do it, but of course, I’ve done it again. I’ve set too high expectations of myself and therefore, I have not blogged very much at all. In order to remedy this, I’m going to try to journal every day. This section of my blog will be my daily thoughts, what I’m going through in life, etc. This will be my mind dissemination or brain dump if you will. It’s less for whoever reads my blog and more for myself. My other parts of my blog will be more focused on the reader. So feel free to skip this section. It will probably be much more random and wordy than most will want to read.
Fatigue/ADD:
I’ve been really fatigued. I’m not sure how long I’ve had this problem. I know that I really noticed it starting last semester in grad school, continuing onward to this semester. It’s frustrating that I don’t know why. I try to drink lots of water, get exercise, go to bed at a good time, and eat fairly healthy. Lately I’ve been consciously eating more meat. But I haven’t yet figured out what the problem is. A couple of years back I was diagnosed with ADHD, though I had suspected for a long time that I had it. I began taking Ritalin and when that stopped having an effect on me, Adderall.
Since 2012 I have been taking Adderall 20mg XR every day in the mornings. It not only helps me focus, but it helps me have more energy. I believe the reason for this is because the human body is controlled by the brain. The heart keeps the body running, but the brain tells it how to function. An ADHD person’s brain has a chemical imbalance. Their brains are running a thousand miles an hour and many things can distract it. Thoughts can distract thoughts, things they see, here, smell, touch, can distract them from what they were focusing on. At a social event their eyes and mind is bouncing around like a ping pong ball. Thoughts take energy. So the ADHD individual consumes much more energy than the normal person does. When an ADHD brain is stimulated the person can become much more hyper than the normal person, but when the brain is not stimulated they are more likely to be fatigued and feel sluggish than the normal person. ADD medication, such as Adderall seek to correct this chemical imbalance. The extended release releases the medication slowly throughout the day so the effects are long lasting.
Adderall has helped me have more energy, which in turn, has helped me focus more easily. Adderall not only helps my brain slow down in the daytime, I also believe it helps slow my brain at night. Which of course helps me to sleep better and feel more rested in the morning. I recently ran out of Adderall for a day and felt horrible. My doctor told me this is a good sign because it shows the medicine is working and doing its job. What I am wondering, is if my body is adapting to the medication, and if so, if I need a higher dosage. I sure hope not though, I would hate for my body to continually adapt to the medication and for me to keep having to take higher and higher dosages to stay ahead. I hate having to take medication in the first place, but I understand that no matter what I do personally, I cannot change the chemical imbalance in my brain. Medicine or supernatural healing is my only remedy in that regard. Anyways, I will hopefully talk to my doctor when I come back to Lubbock and find a solution.

5/10

The government has no business with religious practices so far as they fall within the basic laws of the land. Marriage should not be a government confirmed event. Marriage had allowed the government to get a foot into becoming socialist. Now america is fighting a religious/political battle for approving/disproving gay marriage. Religious freedom laws (which never should have been established) have been put in place over the years to combat the governments foot in religion in regards to marriage and regulating private business practices (hobby lobby). Now we’re seeing special privilege laws to protect “special” groups or repair past wrongs. Government is becoming more and more powerful while making the problems worse instead of solving them. Americans are giving up freedom for security and special privileges/comfort.